This year’s Christmas gifts will avoid past mistakes, wherein I purchased clothes in the wrong size, color and style; tech gizmos out of use three years ago; jewelry that looked expensive online; hand tools with no purpose whatsoever.

Instead: salt and pepper shakers shaped like Oregon, wise frig magnets (“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”), talking bottle opener that says “Pop!” and grownup footie jammies.

Grownup footie jammies may be a risky choice, but the tag says “One size fits all.”

I take that as a guarantee.