Among things that divide us, gizmos rank right up with country of origin and whether you believe burps are funny. (No.) One either embraces the gizmo or disdains the gizmo.

I love ’em, in part because a gizmo is an object designed to perform a specific purpose, and gizmos never perform their specific purpose. This is known in research as gadget-ology and it is proven. I find this reassuring.

Following are two illustrative cases:

1. The robotic vacuum cleaner. It’s intended to free time from floor cleaning to pursue more noble tasks, such as thinking. This oversized hockey-puck-on-wheels is so personable, I’ve named mine Phillip. He toddles from chair leg to wall to corner where he gets stuck and whirrrrrrs his angry little whirrrrr noise until I fetch him out of there. His idea of a clean floor is philosophic. If a crumb or dust ball doesn’t know enough to jump aboard as he happens by,  he moves on to dirt with more sense.

2. Purse organizers. All purse organizers. These mobile handbag inserts do not organize keys, credit cards, and the only lipstick I own that looks nice on lips. YOU have to do that. YOU have to remember to put stuff you took out back into it, IN THE SAME PLACE. I have a purse organizer but we don’t speak. I nudge it out of the way to get at my keys and credit cards and lipstick. It’s in there in case I ever wish to change purses since it’s supposed to make that simple. Given the fact that ONLY organized people change purses, I will never have need of a purse organizer.