Sodality Strong

During the 1960s within Immaculate Conception high school in Elmhurst, the Sodality of Our Blessed Virgin Mary was having an image problem among girl students, which was the only gender allowed to join. Girls didn’t sign up voluntarily. The Sisters of Saint Agnes, our teachers, helped us along by doing that part for us.

Gender specificity was problem number 1.

In our coed high school, student engagement depended upon a single criteria: coed-ness. Sports of any ilk, Debate Team, Spanish Club, Book Club all had that edge. Even typing, shop, and art retained the potential. There was even a delusional belief both genders could sign up for home economics, though I never did witness such a thing.

Sodality Members were required to do good works. This was problem number 2.

If you’ve done one car wash or bake sale or clothing drive or old folks’ home visit, you done them all, in the sense that the glow of doing good dissipates after the first time and just the work part remains next time, and the time after that.

Sodality Members were required to serve as models of exemplary behavior among the student body. BIG problem number 3.

Despite its image problems, former Sodality members informally polled years later reported they enjoyed it alot and were very grateful that the Sisters of Saint Agnes who signed us up didn’t care one whit about our image problem.

 

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Good words

Writing about writing and writing about writers is very distracting for writers, which is probably why we do it. Here are three nice things  about writing and writers:

1. Writers envy but they are not jealous. We envy good writing crafted by those who aren’t us. If we were jealous we would wish failure upon them. We don’t. We just want to be them.

2. Writers are lonesome but not isolated. We need a sparsely populated inner place to fill. If we were isolated we would have no one to write for and nothing to write. We aren’t isolated. We just behave in ways the uninformed tend to think of as unsociable.

3. Writers read but they don’t critique. We learn to write by reading so that’s essential. If we critiqued, we would stop writing altogether because we soon realize readers will critique us, too. We don’t critique. Not aloud. We appreciate.

 

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Birth daze

Some people I know react badly when surprise is bestowed upon them. This is because I am one such.

My auntie engineered a surprise party for me on the occasion of my 16th birthday. Only someone of great courage would surprise a 16-year-old female, a breed known to have abandoned all tolerance for surprise no later than age 13.

Further, to orchestrate a teen female’s first COED party, a COED party at which the teen female is the reason for a COED party, is way beyond courage right into crazy-luneytune land.

I think Mom played her part in keeping the fete a surprise because she loved her sister(my auntie)and she loved me. I, however, do not deem this an excuse.

(Mom playing her part and Me playing the part of the surprise-ee that day):

MOM: Auntie M needs you to babysit.

Surprise-ee: NO!NO!NO! When?

MOM: Today. Tonight actually.

Surprise-ee: NO!NO!NO! Tonight?

MOM: Tonight. You should change clothes, too.

Surprise-ee: NO!NO!NO! Why?

MOM: She’s having business clients over. You can babysit and help serve.

Surprise-ee: NO!NO!NO!

MOM: I’ll drive you.

Surprise-ee: FINE!FINE!FINE!

MOM: Fine.

Mom drove. I clumped and grumped my put-upon self into my auntie’s house. If I knew how, I would have glared. Instead, I petrified into a salt pillar at the sight of bestest-buddies, sort-of friends and even BOYS there in the pine-panelled basement. They were oddly installed about, like abandoned toys, and shrieking: SURPRISE!SURPRISE!SURPRISE!

Surprise-ee: Uh-Oh.

I believe there’s a normal tendency to eschew surprise because it’s unpredictable. If it was predictable, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Ah, it’s a tricky concept to describe. Of course you normally have a suprise-er and a surprise-ee; yet sometimes both are you. Sometimes, it’s your very own self that surprises you.

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Big foot

Female shoes have taken a disturbing turn toward gigantic. Quizzical. Once, platforms on shoes that inched you up adapted the uneven gait for a person suffering with a club foot. Once, high heels embraced the arch of a lady’s foot and looked kinda girly, not like weaponry or lawn aerators.

We now wear shoes that give us cartoon feet, as if we are Minnie Mousies or Little Lulus who need ballast to keep our animated selves on the page.

Shoes have gotten huge. This can’t be too important but it’s quizzical.

This isn’t chauvinistically inspired. Nobody is binding feet. High heels are a right but it seems to have gone amok. We also choose pretty flats. We also choose running shoes. With all this choice, why the trend to extreme shoes?

Maybe we still are looking down too often. Maybe we still are fighting battles we already won.

 

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Floating

A football game and a dance in one day equals high school Homecoming. During the 1960s, each class at Immaculate Conception high school in Elmhurst, Il built a float for the parade to herald the game and the dance.

Float-making offered more competition than the game or dance, although narrowed looks about fashion choices happened at the dance, given we wore uniforms every day that wasn’t homecoming.

Mr and Mrs. Addison let us build our freshman float on their driveway, upping the popularity of their freshman daughter who was suffering from advanced shyness at this time. Mr. Addison was a lawyer and knew how to sway in his favor.

We worked at night because it wasn’t fun to make tissue-paper flowers during the day. Repetition needs something like darkness to enhance it. This was particularly true among boys in our class. They liked to do everything at night. They might have liked school better if it was surrounded by night. I don’t know.

We made an animal of some kind. It might have been a badger, maybe a tiger. On the float truck, it resembled road kill. This illustrated its crushing defeat under the boot of Immaculate Conception’s mascot…a shining armor KNIGHT.

We took liberties. Our official freshmen mascot was a PAGE. According to history, KNIGHTS start out as PAGES serving the KNIGHTS. They polish armor and fetch things; but we took liberties and proclaimed ourselves KNIGHTS up front, before earning the right.

We tissue-papered chicken wire to assemble a pop-eyed KNIGHT stomping our opponents’ mascot. Tom Chadwick suggested we shower the float with red tissue to simulate bloodshed. This was vetoed by Mrs. Addison. She was robustly tall with very small feet so she tottered; but her command was unassailable. We surrounded the vignette with white, like a cloud. It was her driveway.

 

 

 

 

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Gone-ness

There should be a better word for the times between, times like almost in love, nearly retired, or soon to be a parent.

Or, the time after loss, such as when someone’s house is demolished by a tornado. We’ve got some words: shock, grief, sadness, bravery, determination but not much describes a continuum of not-there-ness that startles emotions unawares.

I didn’t lose a house but I wonder how it feels to reach for your radio dial and realize you don’t have a radio anymore or take a step to check the mailbox before it occurs to you the mailbox is not there.

It’s a gone-ness. It must hurt, not just once, not all at once, but often.

 

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Binds that tie

In our Chicago suburb during the 1960s, certain phrases reminded our family of five we shared more than the three bedroom ranch house:

1. “That’s your color, baby.”

2. “I guess the man who did it died.”

3. “Think fast.”

4. “Balance in all things.”

As a girl, Mom had shopped on Maxwell Street in Chicago, a kind of farmer’s market without food where vendors offered stuff for sale, like fur stoles and coffee percolators. One vendor always said, “That’s your color, baby” whenever a shopper stopped to examine one of his garments, no matter who the shopper and what the color. I don’t know if this helped sales but the compliment lingered in mind, like a wink. It found a cozy spot in our family lexicon.

As a grown woman, Mom’s way of disciplining her two sons and me was spotty. She waved a wooden spoon and sometimes landed a soft blow as we feigned ignorance about a misdeed. I imagine she did penance for that. She was better at saying, “I guess the man who did it, died.” This delivered guilt as intended. It found a spot in our family lexicon by sheer repetition.

“Think fast” evidenced the tendency among offspring to dominate the tribe. It involved a ball or any toss-able object within reach. The toss-er said “Think fast” while launching the toss-able at the head of the unprepared toss-ee. This improve no one’s mental agility of course; but we liked the wild daring of saying it.

“Balance in all things” came from Dad who was personally disposed to the abstract. Mom rarely experienced balance. She was  personally disposed to seek attainable things. But Dad liked the phrase so much he used it to refer to eating habits, to relationships, to politics, to landscaping, to dancing. It was one of his “go-to” phrases so we kept it.

 

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Reason #6 Why Folks Don’t Write

There are many reasons why folks don’t write. Lack of talent isn’t one of them. Writing what you know, is.

Following the advice to “write what you know” stalls many writers for three reasons:

1. You KNOW a lot. Oceans of knowing are inside each person. It’s overwhelming.

2. WHAT you know isn’t stagnant. It’s moving all the time. It’s dizzying.

3. WHAT you know is relational. It’s related to other people, to experience, to conflict and query. It’s organic.

Here’s a tip: Write TO DISCOVER what you know.

You will be surprised and amazed and readers will be, too. I just KNOW it.

 

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Think-a-Loud (archive)

When I left the Chicago Tribune newspaper to become Managing Editor at an educational think-tank, I found it quizzical and lonesome that my new coworkers spoke a variation of the English language heretofore unbeknowst to me.

Three words in particular underscored my difference from them: “policy,” “building capacity,” and “think-a-loud.”

I still don’t understand what they meant by “policy” but am convinced that neither do most politicians, whose job it is to establish and abide it. At the newspaper, policy meant what your boss says to do….do that. Maybe it’s the same in government.

“Building capacity” strikes me as way to get other people doing what “policy” indicates they should do. That’s cool, but I don’t understand why capacity needs a building intervention. At the newspaper, the prevailing notion was what your boss says to do….do that. If you did not have the capacity, go away.

I very much like the term “think-a-loud.” It’s a conversation that falls somewhere between a chat and a consult. Actually, it’s an excuse to ensnare a colleague into letting you talk his or her ears off. At the newspaper, this was why we came to work in the first place.

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Grandpa’s Hat (archive)

 

It was his granddaughter’s kitchen. She and her husband liked old things, such as the house, and they hung the hat there. It looked right, an old farmer’s hat on an old farm kitchen wall.

And Grandpa didn’t need it anymore.

He used to wear it in the summer when he went outside to tend the roses that grew next to his brick house in Elmhurst. He never farmed, really.

He grew up on a farm in Sweden, near Stockholm, in the town where Volvos are made now. But he was happy to leave when he was 18, coming to America and to Oak Park, IL to be a carpenter’s apprentice.

When he talked to his grandchildren about coming to America, he made it sound exciting, a big adventure for and 18-year-old man in the late 1800s.

He got to be a good carpenter with large, bony hands. He wasn’t slow but he was meticulous. When he was old he often said, “They don’t make houses good now, them make houses too fast. They can fall apart next year, the way they make them now.”

Grandpa’s houses never fell apart. He never rushed a job. He took his time.

Once, when he was a young carpenter, he was still working on a kitchen wall when the painters arrived to start their part of the job. They set up their scaffolds anyway and started painting around him. Grandpa wasn’t finished yet so he just stayed and worked on the wall. He could be stubborn.

Somehow, a can of green paint tipped over on the scaffolding and fell on his head. Green paint dripped all over his hair.

He was mad. Although, when he told the story years later, he said it was very funny, he was mad when it happened. He knew that the painters had given the can a little help in tipping over.

He decided he wasn’t going to leave his kitchen wall unfinished, even if he had green paint all over his head. So he kept working.

When he was through, he fetched some turpentine and rubbed it over his head to get the paint out. He did a good job getting it out, but the turpentine made his hair, which was very curly, go straight.

When he got home, his wife, Elsa, looked at him and said, “Nils, what happened to your hair? It’s straight.”

“From now on, I’m going to wear a hat,” he said.

And he did. Even when he was very old, in his 90s, and had hardly any hair at all, he wore a hat whenever he went out.

He had a hunter’s hat, red wool flannel with ear flaps that buckled on top. He didn’t care much for it. But it had been a gift. He wore it in winter when he walked to the grocery or worked in houses that had no heat.

He called it his “dumb bunny Norwegian” hat. “In Sweden,” he said, “hunters are smart. They know it’s a pretty silly thing, going hunting with covers on your ears so you can’t hear. Only a Norwegian would wear this hat. A Swedish hunter would say, “I didn’t have so much luck with the hunting today but I sure caught a lot of dumb bunnies.”

He wore a nice tan hat with a cloth band when he dressed in a suit. He took it off and held it in his hands when group pictures were taken at weddings. When he was a guest in someone’s home, he put it on, then took it off, then put it on again while he waited at the front door or grandma to say her goodbyes.

When he youngest grandson was baptized, his daughter-in-law gave him a freshly picked peony bud to wear in his lapel during the christening party. It was so hot he had to take his jacket off, so he tucked the flower into his hatband. The peony had opened into a giant blossom. “This baby will think he has TWO grandmas,” he said.

His farmer’s straw hat helped to protect his weakening eyes from the sun when he tended his roses, but he never admitted that. He always said, “This hat is for my head. I don’t want anything dropping on my head while I’m working.”

He kept working long after retirement, borrowing a fancy Glidden paint cap while he helped his son build a rec room. They argued a lot. His son learned to work, not slowly but meticulously. When they were through, grandpa took the cap home with him in case he needed it again.

He didn’t. One night, someone phoned very late to say the neighborhood was being evacuated because of a gas leak. It wasn’t true – just some kids with an odd sense of humor. Grandpa moved too fast to gather his coat and hat, and he fell, hurting his head.

He couldn’t be buried with a hat when he died, so Grandma gave the straw hat to their granddaughter, who hung it up on her country kitchen wall.

It looked right there.

His youngest grandson sometimes visited the house where the hat hung. He almost always took it off the wall and wore it, sometimes making a funny entrance into a room where other guests sat, making them laugh. Other times, he just sat with it on, looking outside or looking down at his large, bony hands.

It looked right there, too.

 

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